


Death by Kittenshark

by howldax



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 05:43:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14037423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howldax/pseuds/howldax
Summary: "You know," Dirk says sternly, "if you murder me, there will be nobody around to feed you."Todd realises that he must be talking to the shark-kitten, who lives with them now - Dirk is attached - and has taken to the very cat-like habit of tripping them both up at every moment she can. She comes into view, winding her way between Dirk's legs and meowing, and Dirk points a loving but accusatory finger at her."No, no. Todd will not feed you either, if I die. He will be catatonic with grief over my untimely passing, and you will have to fend for yourself in the wide world."





	Death by Kittenshark

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by one of my own cats' murder attempts, which caused me to say the first line in the summary and realise instantly that it was a Very Dirk Line. this is just fluffy domestic stuff with some Emotions And Reassurances, because i love that shit, so please enjoy!

It's a warm, vaguely sunny morning in the apartment. Todd is nursing a half-full cup of coffee, the remnants of a somewhat burnt plate of waffles sat in front of him, a scraped-empty plate of the same across the table from him. Dirk, who's also across the table, pretends he isn't watching Todd. Todd, who knows Dirk has a weird obsession with studying his profile in different lightings ("You're so beautiful, Todd," he'd said once, apropos of nothing, and Todd had been so surprised that he'd choked on his poptart), pretends he doesn't notice.   
  
After a few moments, Dirk lifts his mug to his lips and tilts it, then makes a questioning, startled noise.   
  
"I'm out of tea," he says, sounding surprised. "Are you out of coffee?"   
  
"Nope."   
  
"Oh. I won't make you another, then." Dirk stands, stretching - Todd takes the opportunity to watch the Mexican Funeral tshirt he's wearing slide up, revealing a wide strip of pale, soft skin - and makes his way to the kitchen. He's just at the doorway when he yelps and lurches forwards, smacking his shoulder into the doorway and disappearing from view.  
  
"Dirk?" Todd calls over, already half-standing. A hand waves at him dismissively, and he can hear Dirk saying something in a chiding tone. Dirk stands back up, and his words become clear.   
  
You know," Dirk says sternly, "if you murder me, there will be nobody around to feed you."   
  
Todd realises that he must be talking to the shark-kitten, who lives with them now - Dirk is attached - and has taken to the very cat-like habit of tripping them both up at every moment she can. She comes into view, winding her way between Dirk's legs and meowing, and Dirk points a loving but accusatory finger at her.   
  
"No, no. Todd will not feed you either, if I die. He will be catatonic with grief over my untimely passing, and you will have to fend for yourself in the wide world." His voice goes quiet, and he says, "You'll end up alone."   
  
Todd, concerned that this could be the start of one of Dirk's downward spirals (they happen more often than either of them would like, and are often triggered by something small; Dirk starts thinking about how often people die around him, and then how it happens around _him_ , and then suddenly it's _because_ of him, and he's a murderer and gets everyone he loves killed and he needs to leave before he kills Todd too, kills Farah, and Todd has to hold him until he stops shaking), says "Dirk..."   
  
Dirk smiles brightly at him. "Tell her, Todd," he says. "If she trips me and I smack my head on the kitchen counter and meet my demise, you won't love her or feed her anymore."   
  
"He's right," Todd admits to the kitten. "I'd be pretty mad."   
  
"Pretty- Todd! You would be _inconsolable_. You would go into a mourning so powerful that it would devastate you!" Dirk puts his hands on his hips, glaring theatrically at him. Todd tries to hide his smile.   
  
"If it keeps you sane," he says, sipping at his coffee.   
  
"You'd _miss_ me, at least?" Dirk says, rolling his eyes, in the tone that means he's actually worried about the answer to the question but trying to play it off as a joke. Todd sighs and stands, putting the coffee mug on the table and walking over to where Dirk is standing, his arms now crossed tight across his torso.   
  
"If you died," Todd says, his voice soft and earnest, "it would be the worst thing that's ever happened to me, in my whole life. Worse than realising Amanda had pararibulitis, worse than realising I have pararibulitis, worse than- than 100 attacks all happening together."   
  
Dirk, shiny-eyed, says, "Todd..." in an embarrassed, pleased little voice. It's the same sort of voice he used when Todd called himself Dirk's friend for the first time, then his _best_ friend, and finally his boyfriend. It's a little shy, and disbelieving, full of love, and it's obvious that Dirk wants to duck his head away, overwhelmed. He doesn't, though, just keeps looking at Todd like he can't believe how lucky he is.   
  
"You mean so much to me, Dirk," Todd continues. "When I said you changed my life-"   
  
"You were under the effects of a mind-altering peace spell?" Dirk volunteers. Todd huffs, reaching out to brush a thumb along Dirk's cheekbone.   
  
"Be that as it may, I meant every word I said. You changed my life, changed my world, changed _me_. For the better, Dirk. I love you, man."   
  
"I love you too," Dirk says, his tearful smile growing brighter and brighter, the almost reverential edge to it familiar but still so, so unbelievable. "You changed my life too, Todd. I was so lonely before I met you - I'd never had a friend before, let alone a boyfriend. You're like a miracle - I can't believe you've stayed with me all this time, case after case! Nobody's ever wanted to before you. And Farah, of course."  
  
"And Tina, and Hobbs. And Amanda, in her own way," Todd says. "She loves you to bits, probably more than she loves me."   
  
"I'll have to love you extra hard to make up for that, I suppose," Dirk says. Todd laughs, feeling his own goofy, adoring smile bloom across his face.   
  
"I guess that won't be so bad," he says, and stretches up for a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> huge shoutout to the dghda fandom for being so enthusiastic to comment on my other (first) dirk gently fic - it's really been lovely and led me to writing this!! please continue that trend ;Pc i also have an au in the works but definitely don't hold me to that, i'm fickle
> 
> im also howldax on tumblr, come say hewwo!


End file.
